Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
