the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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