I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
