Please, let me fuck your mom
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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