My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
