guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
