so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
