I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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