FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
