call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
