I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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