Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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