i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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