Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
