nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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