What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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