The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
