My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
