based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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