i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
