Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
