Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
