Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations

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(563): View more from Iowa

The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.

Fav 16 1145 4474
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(425): View more from Washington

It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."

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(406): View more from Montana

Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.

(901): View more from Tennessee

I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.

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(541): View more from Oregon

After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.

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(540): View more from Virginia

I need Jameson.

(240): View more from Maryland

Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.

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(719): View more from Colorado

I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together

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(317): View more from Indiana

Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife

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