My sheets look like a crime scene.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
