i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It's just like the Real World with babies
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
