thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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