Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
