that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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