1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
