I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
