This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
