i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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