You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
