Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
