Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
