she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
