are you so shy because you have an std?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
