I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Come see our sink grown plant.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
