My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
