You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
the liver wants what the liver wants
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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