im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
