Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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