Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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