You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
