My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
