Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
