you have to choose: penises or morals?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
