he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
