I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
