Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
