every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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