It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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