Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
