final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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