Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
