i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
