We need to rekindle our bromance
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
