Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
look no pants
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
