Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
