tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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