I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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