there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
