someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
