So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
