fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
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MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
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I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I forget how to act sober
Randomize