My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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