Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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