i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
