He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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