Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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