She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
