girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
