we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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