he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
