I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
