I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize