You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
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I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
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I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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